Shit you need to know, from proper teachers! ‘nothin but a good time!
Android Police has an article on a new feature inside of Google Play Services app to allow you to lock down and wipe an Android device in case you lose your phone or it is stolen.
If you are looking for even more functionality, I highly recommend Prey. It works great for keep track of your laptops, phones, tablets. It will even allow you to activate the camera remotely so you can see who has your stuff!
Linux stuff below, please move along.
Just some geek notes for my future reference.